Aquarius season is upon us! January is a really significant month for many, for me, it has a little more meaning as it’s my birth month. And of course, the start of a truly new year and the coming of age…which makes me really reflect on the person I am and where I am in life.
Woof.
Birthdays are very special to me, celebrating others is even more special and significant. Ask my friends! We have lived through experiences that have been filled each year with the good and bad, happy and sad...so much can happen in a year. The days are so filled and we always ask ourselves, “where did the year go?” That’s really what I am feeling currently.
It is so surreal.
Ever since I was a little girl, I would always look forward to someone’s birthday in my family, and what did that mean....cake!!! Obvi. But it also meant family and togetherness. I know so many people that don’t care about their birthday. It’s just another day. They aren’t wrong. But it’s a day for YOU. Some don’t get to have birthdays anymore and I really remain mindful of how fortunate I am to be alive and living. And when it comes to January, I would always look forward to the new year, ringing it in with my family. I now spend every new year with my older sister, she’s been a huge influence in my life. The new year has always been my favorite holiday too, if that makes any sense. It’s a time to be so excited about what’s to come and to reflect on what’s happened and what I want for this new age.
So what’s all the birthday talk right?
A birthday. A day of birth. Of course, I have to give a huge shout out to my mom, thanks for having! Truthfully, my birthday has become harder to celebrate since the passing of my brother 2 years ago. I say brother in this context to express a true connection and the brother I’ve always known to be. Brandon. My brother bear. He was born just 3 weeks after me so we always would celebrate our birthday together and I always felt like I could pick on him because I was older. I’ll clarify to you all that Brandon was the son of my first cousin, but we were born the same year (92 babies) and having the same zodiac sign was a true connection and bond that I held on to and still do to this day. Unfortunately, I no longer have him physically to share the excitement of our birthdays. I can’t pick on him that I’m older. Or share a birthday cake. Loss is truly difficult in itself, but it makes each holiday harder each year. I share this very special part of my life and myself to be transparent and vulnerable with you all. So for me, I try to celebrate my birthday twice, thinking of him and trying to make him proud. So, January. What are my hopes for bringing in my 28th year? I want to be mentally free from what I should be doing and where I should be at this age in my life. I constantly compare myself to others, thinking I should be more like this or that or why am I not there? I need to be okay with where I am. Because every person’s journey is so unique and different and no one knows what you’ve gone through. No one knows what I’ve gone through. And here is the truth, comparing yourself to everyone will get you nowhere. It only hurts you. So I want to focus on the here and now and knowing my time will come for whatever I want...whatever I deserve. Live unapologetically
I want to live without worrying about what other people think about me. Plain and simple. We aren’t perfect, and I need to be okay with the imperfections that make me unique. It’s going to be hard with the self-talks, but I know I can make these shifts.
I also find myself saying sorry a lot, and I need to reframe and shift out of the space. Why am I always saying that? I can’t give you a real answer now, but I do want to work through this and tell myself that I don’t have to be sorry all the time. Forgive myself more
We are our own worst enemy at times, the toughest critic. I have so many things in my past and even present that has happened and I need to realize that being hard on myself only hurts me and my well being, shifting out of that place and learning to forgive myself will only provide a better way of healing. Show more self-compassion
I give and love others, maybe to at fault sometimes. But, where is that compassion when it comes to me? I have always been a huge proponent of valuing your own self-worth, empowering yourself, but I never never thought about self-compassion until I started reading this book called: Self Compassion-The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, Ph.D. I am still reading it currently and what I am learning the most is DISCOVERING self-compassion and not passing judgment on myself. Read more & Write more
Since graduating with my doctorate, it’s been hard to realign and get back to writing. I have missed expressing my ideas and researching and I want to get back to it dearly, I have a vision for what I want my first book to be, so having that in my mind is so exciting and frightening. For the time being, I want to read more as well, I recently got some amazing new books and I need to start reading more and watching less Netflix! This will help me not only personally but professionally, I miss my book worm days.
Build connections
Meeting new people is honestly so much fun and exciting, I honestly love to talk to others. I want to meet more people and build more meaningful connections. I get so much enjoyment from listening to other people and their stories. I guess that’s why I became a therapist, right? I hope to branch out more, and explore, put myself out there and reach new, like-minded people and learn from them and so many others.
I share just a few of the things I want to do for myself with the hopes of maybe it also resonating with you. I’m human too. And I want to be open and transparent. I think that’s so important and it’s also just who I am as a person. There are so many more things on my mind that I could share with you, but these are the things that stand out to me the most. These are NOT new years’ resolutions, I repeat, NOT new years’ resolutions. I honestly don’t believe in that. But these are the things I want to address and lean into more for the betterment of myself and what I want for 28. I’m going to try to follow my meltution, and I hope you do too!
Let there be cake!!
Love,
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